


get in loser we're building a blanket fort

by omusubi



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, M/M, build a blanket fort and learn how it can easily fall down
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:48:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28096428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/omusubi/pseuds/omusubi
Summary: “you confessed you only have one blanket. i confessed to you many times that i love you. we’re not the same.”
Relationships: Suna Rintarou/Tsukishima Kei
Comments: 13
Kudos: 42





	get in loser we're building a blanket fort

**Author's Note:**

> my first all lowercase fic as it seems fitting.
> 
> maybe, just maybe, this is my after-the-rainbow (cute opto fic) comes-the-rain (angst fic) <3 
> 
> thanks to wikihow for the steps to make a blanket fort which i respectfully used here~

**one: make two rows of chairs with the backs facing each other**

in a perfect world, there might be enough blankets for everyone to make a fort. a promise that anywhere you’ll go, it’ll be safe. a voicemail saying you made it home and going to bed. a bed filled with warmth and procrastinated goodbyes. a goodbye handing another layer. a layer of rust with love that says it should always feel like this.

as tsukishima draws the hoodie strings, he gets suffocated in his own emotions. trying to master being comfortable in sleeves soaked with his heart that’s too full, now it’s spilling. in the bright summer shine, a smile graces his lips when he sees the reason. walking. step by step, he walks closer to him and his motorcycle.

when suna gets close, he lowers his arms, looking like he’s asking for a hug.

tsukishima moves in like it's his job to adorn and pamper the kid. not that suna looks anything like a kid. whether he’s the one who invented the blank expression or not, he makes everything inside tsukishima feel. 

and he’ll never be his.

just that little reminder already hurts enough.

“you’re here?” suna whispers, slowly stealing tsukishima’s right hand. he grabs it like it’s muscle memory, and he kisses it like a last memory.

“i wanted to see your stupid face,” tsukishima replies. he slowly brushes a finger against suna’s cheek in a middle of parking lot. “is that alright?”

“of course, baby.”

tsukishima grabs the helmet from suna’s another hand. it takes a second to wear the helmet without his help, they both know it. but, suna lets tsukishima put the headpiece over his head with ease that's obvious it's done with practice. 

but before tsukishima gets to pull it down fully, suna raises his hands to place them over his.

suna mumbles a hurried “love you”.

and it may sound careless and rushed. but, it isn’t. the way he declares it can probably change the world if it only hears it. his smooth voice, so deep and so sure. an unceremonious revelation that says the darkest hour is over.

tsukishima lets out a breath. there’s nothing he could do.

it just isn’t going to happen. the furniture isn't tall enough for them to fit in. the highs and lows of what they built are not somewhere anyone could crawl around freely.

**two: place blankets and pillows on the floor of the fort to make it comfortable**

tsukishima wakes up to a shivering suna, hugging himself. 

that’s when tsukishima realizes he must’ve wrapped himself again in all covers, which means nothing’s left for suna. it’s not news to the both of them that tsukishima can be kind of an active sleeper. as it’s also something suna has to learn the hard way when they slept—as in just sleeping with eyes closed—together at his house the first time. 

the problem here is it’s the first time suna slept in tsukishima’s room unplanned. he always comes with a bag of everything he needs, which of course includes an extra blanket.

because tsukishima uses only one since he’s in high school before everything turned into ruins. before the tragedy. not like it’s hard to talk about it now, but that blanket serves as his saving grace and curse. it’s the only thing, with him, which survived that fire that night.

“i’m sorry for crying 'cause of that,” tsukishima murmurs, tears streaming down his face. he couldn’t move. 

suna knows this. tsukishima never feels burdened to tell him his secrets.

suna grins weakly, touching tsukishima’s face dearly. pulling away his glasses. comforting him in a way he knows how, “you confessed you only have one blanket. i confessed to you many times that i love you. we’re not the same.”

tsukishima scoffs jokingly before sighing, “and 'cause of that, you might get sick.”

“forget about it. i’m fine.”

“ah, i was thinking of hugging you for body warmth. i guess that’s out no—” his words get cut off when suna pulls him closely to his body. tsukishima may be taller, but when they’re lying on the bed, he always make it a point to be closer to suna’s chest. he presses his ear against it and listens to how his heart beats.

that heavy feeling turns to fear. he gets the vision of suna not pulling a part of the blanket to wrap himself in it. shivering alone, getting sick because of tsukishima. 

moments like these make tsukishima wish for a world where the love suna needs ruled. a place where suna shouldn’t have to compromise and suffer because of a single blanket.

**three: drape a sheet or blanket over the furniture pieces**

under the stars, they’re lying on a sheet that’s too thin to separate them from the cold touch of the rooftop’s floor. yet it doesn’t bother the two of them. they’re too busy staring, being nervous to breathe, and enjoying the company of one another.

“—a big family, yeah, a huge one. like my family. my kids running around. ice cream dropping on the ground. i remember all the moments i had in my town when i was still living with my parents. everyone knew everyone’s likes and dislikes. we all gather for the silliest reasons just to see each other. someone got their hair colored? we'll eat out. my mom finally learned how to bake cookies? you bet it, everyone's already at our house. it may sound like a lie, but it isn’t. i can still see all the kids back then building blanket forts that are so spacious you won’t believe,” then suna laughs, maybe picturing the scene.

tsukishima asks suna his dream mindlessly; he receives an answer that… turns out, he minds.

he turns to look at suna. “do you miss it?”

“everyday.”

tsukishima can’t help but smile. he respects and adores the intensity of that one word. it’s not like tsukishima's moments with his own family are bad before he lost all of them. although, it's definite he just doesn’t see life and family the way suna has. he only treasures what happens today and never finds the point of reminiscing or crying something that already happened. there may be times he wonders of an another path, but doesn’t wander far away from the reality of his life.

suna continues, “so, it might sound stupid but my dream is to be with someone i love, someone who wants the same as me. i want to build a family and a home. my little sister always says she’s already grown up now, but i still view her as that little kid who runs to me whenever she cries. that kind of trust and solace just runs deeper than anything.”

the unsettling emotion that tsukishima keeps shoving away finally sinks in.

tsukishima would be lying if he says he doesn’t love the person laying next to him. now, all he wants is suna to get everything he wishes for. 

but, what breaks his heart is everything he just said isn’t something he could give himself. 

**four: secure the blankets with heavy objects or clothespins**

his blanket isn’t enough to make a fort, tsukishima thinks. the furniture isn’t sturdy enough. not enough for the two of them. 

his heart isn’t prepared for the end, but it has to happen now.

now... now? could it be tomorrow? maybe one more day. maybe one more night to pretend he can have everything of him. every part, every smile, every handholding, every wind that passes through them as he hugs him and they almost look like lovers, not having a care. maybe like those movies that can persevere through power of love.

“i love you. so much. the way i know i can never be enough for your beautiful dream. i don’t want you to throw it away for me as i don’t caged myself in yours. i can’t be there with you. i’m always going to be... here, and i know it’s only fleeting. but at least, we gave each other the love we needed at this moment. it’s going to be difficult at first, but you’ll live. you’ll survive. i’m good with having moments of your thoughts, even just a second. it’ll sound selfish, but i want to live knowing you’ll have something that i gave you. i have to let you go, for your family.”

“you’re my new dream,” suna mutters, so young and so sure. “we could have it. our own. you’re the only one that matters.”

tsukishima lets that touch his heart once. once. as he shuts his eyes hard, he lets a part of his soul make up whatever what those words meant to make a living out of it.

as insane as that sounds, he needs to nip it in the bud. 

“i can’t have a family. i don’t... i just can’t have it. this isn’t something i thought out of the blue, rin. that part never existed in me, even before and after you. there’s not even a soil in me for that seed to be planted. it’ll never grow on me, too.”

“you’ll never change your mind?" his voice cracks, but he visibly swallows it to ask, "what if—what if you do… and i’m not here for you anymore?”

a sad smile settles on tsukishima’s lips when he feels the worry in suna’s voice. even now, all he worries about is him.

so he looks at him back, trying not to break. trying to push away all the hesitations and doubts. because he’s certain. 

“i’m… i’m as sure as a heartbeat because i love you so, so much and i still can’t be that for you. one of us have to lose something if we choose to be together. mine’s something i already settled in, yours is something that can grow. into comfort. into a blanket fort that’s warm as you and your love that has so much to offer. ours may seem strong now, but i don’t want it to watch as it falls down on us. i love you, i swear, almost like you’re the reason i breathe. and a love like this, this is only i gotta offer you. your freedom. that’s all i can give. do you understand that?”

tears in his eyes, tsukishima has a split second to make a choice. reach out his hands to wipe his cheeks or to start backing away.

he does the latter. as he doesn’t want to make this much harder. he needs to secure him the life he always had and deserves to have.

“you gotta buy more blankets, kei,” suna says shakily, a confirmation that he understands what he’s saying and giving to him. “or change the one you have now. it’s already too small for you.”

“...i probably will. soon.”

as soon as you outgrow me, tsukishima thinks.

**Author's Note:**

> if u got to the end, i send kisses ur way<3<3<3 this was supposed to be a cute fic, honestly, idk what's wrong w me lol
> 
> p.s. i got attached with the title for some reason, so even if i initially wanted to change it… it just had to stay. i hope it wasn’t too misleading ;;


End file.
